Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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