Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I have grass duct taped all over my body
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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