you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
