at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
