i was born a porn star she said
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She's the barista slut.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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