Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
