im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
