apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
