My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
