im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
