I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We have so much sex to catch up on
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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