Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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