he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
