I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
