am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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