yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
