tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
