Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
