Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The uberlube is also flammable
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
