Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
