so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I need to stop coming to work sober
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
A bitchslap is in order.
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