When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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