no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
