He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
