i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
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