he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
