i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
