i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
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