hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
