you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
