I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
