for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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