If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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