I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
