I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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