I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
