She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
