their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
