party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
