I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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