Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She bit a glass in half.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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