My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
