but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
