My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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