Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
