Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
