how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
