Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
