i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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