I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
