Where is the hickey?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
