what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
