"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
